It’s through the undoing of the world, layer by layer that we get to the root of our love. Only then in our pure vulnerability, can we truly see what’s important.

Car rides are great for discussions, especially long ones, where nobody can escape, where there’s no easy distraction.

Last weekend – we had a good one. Religion. Beliefs. Afterlife. Lessons.

It’s a touchy subject, when you lose someone you love. It never seems fair, there’s most often no explaining it, especially when I look at my children. I can talk away about “a reason for everything” the knowledge I have deep down inside that we truly are not in charge, but none of it makes sense when it comes to the kids and the fact that they lost their dad.

What I do know, and what I’m so blessed to have had were the 4+ years of love when nothing else mattered.

Sure the first 13 were great, the honeymoon phase, the new baby years, the trips, the summers and the being with friends. The hoping and dreaming of a long life ahead, of watching our girls grow and living the dream. Of buying a beach house. Of navigating uncharted territory. Together. Forever. Amen.

But those four years of fighting, of living, of loving bigger and deeper than I had ever imagined, that was the magic, the Grace. That was the one sliver of silver lining through it all. The stuff fairytales are made of.

Every marriage has its ups and downs, it’s ebb and flow, it’s mistakes it’s lessons and sometimes it’s heartache. Every relationship, it’s disfunction, it’s quarrels, it’s nit picky “did you take the trash out??!!” But those four years we were solid, a team, a force of what is real and good in love. No petty arguments, no blame. Those four years – a gift of pure love. Family focused, friend centered, God embraced and guided. And for that, I am truly grateful.

As I opened my calendar today – I noticed the note – wishfully marked on Sunday. “Time to Celebrate – Fighting the Fight.” Dean was hopeful – and optimistic – always. Sunday would be six years from his diagnosis. A day I will never forget. A night I clearly remember saying to myself as I laid down to rest. “This is the end of my life as I know it.”

This note, a reminder of how fleeting our time can be. Of how important it is to hold back nothing, in relationships in connecting and most especially – in love. All cards on the table. No games, no rules. It’s risky for sure. Peeling back all the layers, and existing from a place of love. Heart centered. Wide open. Nothing to lose.

This weekend, we will live, we will love and we will celebrate life – in a house in the Poconos with dear friends. Their own dream, their own fairytale, so generously shared, we’ll cook, and drink wine, tell stories, solve problems, and watch from afar the third generation of friends sharing their lives.

This weekend – this Valentines Day, that is my wish for you. Live with those you love as if there’s no tomorrow. See them, really see them. Appreciate their gift in your life, for just one day – don’t sweat the small stuff. Don’t worry. Don’t argue. Don’t put each other down. We have most of our life to live in the norm, this weekend – soften. Rediscover what it means to come from love, to see through untarnished eyes. Because in the end, that’s all that matters, in the end we should all know true love.