I had a friend recently ask me if Dean has been coming to me in my dreams. The short answer is no, not as of yet. I’m neither here nor there about that one. While I would assumingly welcome any two way communication, the thought of him coming to me in that form, seems a little too much for me right now. I can still see him clearly in my mind, I don’t need real visits just yet. Actually, just thinking about what that would look like, it kind of freaks me out.

I have though, certainly seen and heard signs that he is right here with us. The graffiti “DEAN” at 17th and Sansom, the neck of the guitar this summer, winning BIG at Charlie’s Fight the other night, all signs.

Just today, a dumpster with his name clearly spelled out. I took that as: “Don’t worry about the $450 dumpster charge, it’s the cost of renovation, the backyard looks GREAT!” sign.

Yesterday, a terrific photo I hadn’t seen, of the last soccer game he coached. Full of joy. I took it as a sign that one of our tournaments was cancelled this weekend, alleviating me of three of the seven games we had on tap was his way of helping me manage being in two places at once all weekend long. I am also taking it as a sign that his favorite Saturday morning Galactic jam just came on my Spotify radio, even though it’s Sunday.

Everyday signs that make life decisions a little bit easier. I look for them, appreciate them and hear them as my little push, as if to say ,“yes, go forward.”

I trust the signs – I know they are there. Just like I know every time that red cardinal chirps out our window, it’s Louie, my grandfather, wishing us a good morning, for years and years now.

Sometimes I think I’m crazy, sometimes just a little more sensitive to the vibration of the energy around me – either way, glad to have these signs. One of the last things I can remember saying to Dean (other than the million I Love You’s) was to make sure he gave us lots of signs.

“Make it easy for me, babe, don’t make me look too hard.” Crazy, but true, I wanted to KNOW.

Lately, I’ve been describing my yoga superpower as allowing Grace. It’s when you can’t fathom any other way to be coping and moving through the adversity in your life, because if it were just up to you, you’d never be able to handle this kind of superpower. It is through Grace I can see these signs. The good news is: It is in all of us at all times, we just have to be open.

Happy Sunday everyone! Lots of Cucinotta love to you!
Xx
N