Photo by Brett Duke, NOLA.com | The Times-Picayune

I just had the most eye opening understanding of why Mardi Gras is so important to me.

I remember explaining to someone how Easter took on a whole new meaning when Dean died. That my belief in Easter and Resurrection (and true GRACE – in the religious sense, not the egotistical sense) was my key to surviving it all. It meant that EVERY time I felt a sign it was Dean. That when we die we actually do go somewhere. It meant an open line of communication – forever. It meant all the stories we were told growing up about people in heaven watching over us were true. It meant all the good we did here on earth would lead us to that afterlife – and through that, we will “live” forever.

Years ago I took a World Civilizations Class. It was the most non-faith based environment. The professor explained his belief of religion, text, commandments, laws : as the way each particular faith kept order of their people. That it was a policing of sorts, to keep one coming from a place of doing the right thing. It was a great realization to me. It enabled me to see the similarities between all faith. It took my “Catholic” and turned it into “human” It halted my auto-pilot and pushed me to look at my “why” around my own practice of faith.

I was raised Catholic. I did not learn Faith in CCD. I did not learn Faith in Catholic school. I learned this sittting in the pews of Sacred Heart Church, listening to Father Doyle make sense out of something that often does not make sense. Taking concept, and making it real – for me, for Dean and in turn our children. That’s how religious education (actually) works, when we live the lessons. I am so grateful to the entire community there, for living the lessons, and in turn teaching me how to teach my own.

Lent has always been a thing for me. Going to Church (believe it or not) has always been something I value. Mind you, I have had access to one of the most profound religious speakers in all of the region, for a good long while. He’s always made sense of it. He’s always connected the book with the living.

I also know Catholic Church is a SHIT SHOW right now. This isn’t about the Catholic Church for me.

It’s about Lent, and the period of time it affords ME, to look inward, to dig deeper into my belief of Resurrection. It’s about the comfort Easter brings in KNOWING : that red bird, that construction sign, that graffiti tag, that Revivalists song, that DEVO record album stuck up in the festival office window in Miami -are all very real signs. It’s why we visit the cemetery to talk, and to celebrate, and to cry for help with things that we just can’t see through at the moment. Because we believe someone is listening, and we believe they will help us see through the muck, if we listen quietly. If we TRUST ourselves.

It’s what makes me scream HELL YES to Mardi Gras, and to everything it represents. It’s about believing that through the darkness there will be LIGHT. It’s about living, and loving and throwing caution to the wind for a few days to BE with, to celebrate to indulge, before we get quiet. It’s the spirit of New Orleans. It’s remembering life (on earth) is fleeting and we need to prioritize our living. It’s why the words Laissez Les Bons Temps Rouler are etched on the backside of Dean’s headstone.

Mardi Gras left me speechless. Like, literally. I rode that float on Mardi Gras Saturday, and did not utter more than a dozen words. I was amazed at that, believe me. All I could do was look and try my best to take in all the colorful faces that were passing before me. It was everything I had expected, and then some. There are a few things I’ll do differently next time – but all in all, it was an amazing experience. To try and recount the specific goings on would be impossible. It was in magnificent every direction imaginable.

I had so many personal realizations last weekend. So many gifts, so many conversations, so many epiphanies, in a city, amongst a culture of people whom with I have a deep deep connection. Every minute, every step, every meal, every friend. Priceless.

Thank you Karen, thank you ladies, for being for me my #1 Mardi Gras Krewe. There will never be another first, and I am so blessed to have done it right with you.

I’ll leave you all to sit with my banter (and my photos) I’m sure many will say I have it wrong, it’s about the actual Biblical teaching, it’s about studying and believing every word of the Biblical story. That I’m “not really Catholic” because I don’t do it the way “they” say. For me, it’s a time of year where I GET my faith. It’s my tool for survival, my secret weapon. My connection to things bigger than me, and the reason I stop in my tracks when out of nowhere, when I hear that red bird calling, when I see that green light.

May the quiet of this season be with you, and may you come out the other side refreshed, renewed and ready for what the world has ahead.

Oh and if you’re wondering what I’m giving up for lent…”being too busy” to do the things I need to keep myself good.

Being too busy to finish tasks, to write, to get on my mat. To busy to eat well, too busy to stop and smell the roses. I’m simplifying. I’m investing captured time in doing better – and more – of the things I love with the people that make my world go round. And you?!