As I sit here watching the sun come up on the North Shore of Oahu, waves crashing in sky turning pink, I can’t help but think there would be any other place you would’ve wanted to be on your birthday this year than right here with these very special friends. These friends who in such an instant, became family. 

It’s incredible, how this all worked out, Hilary and the boys here, just as we were passing through on our way home form Australia, it was as if you had a hand in the planning, as if you knew. There wouldn’t be a single other thing you’d rather be doing today than enjoying the friendships and love that we have with our dear dear friends, in the one place on your list we didn’t get to see together. I have no regrets, as I know the same with you, that we should’ve, could’ve gotten here a moment sooner, for I know we lived every single day to the fullest, our life together could not have been bigger. I also know truthfully, there is no easier place for the girls and I to be on what might prove to be an otherwise very challenging day. 

It’s hard not to look at the ocean in front of me with anything other than awe, respect and with the knowledge that there is certainly a God more intentional and powerful that anyone here on this earth. It makes it easy to acknowledge that we did all we could have done to fight your fight, and that in the end, as in the beginning we are definitely not in charge. It’s one of the first lessons I realized through your fight, the I am not in charge. Sure, we make decisions, and choose doctors, do research and drink green juice, but the bigger picture, our fate in the end, is out of our hands. not in a woeful way, not as if we should surrender, more like an acceptance.  An understanding that every setback, every disappointment, every challenge we face – is for the greater picture. They are all just pieces of the puzzle we call life. They are stepping stones and lessons to a better way, to a stronger character, to a more loving heart. This, I feel is the greatest gift. It doesn’t make it any easier not having you here, it doesn’t help us miss you less, but it does have me know in my heart there was not one single thing we could’ve done differently, not one single moment wasted, not one experience in vain. Everything plays into the bigger picture, every soul we touch, every friend we meet, every stranger whose path we cross every moment, every day. 

You’ve left here with us many many gifts, my love, the most important of this to follow our hearts, chase our dreams and to never look back in regret. Today we will miss you, and for sure shed tears of love, but we will also remember what you have taught us and the importance of spending time with those you love and connecting with the kids and making sure we do not let a day go by unappreciated. We will celebrate you here today in Hawaii, we will dance in the sand and swim in the ocean and we will all miss you greatly, but we will know you are with us, looking over our shoulder, smiling and urging us to move forward, make memories, keep doing and loving and living out loud.